My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
