3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
