apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
