if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
