atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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