Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
