considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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