Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
