Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
