3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
