I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
