My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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