I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize