She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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