Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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