shes about as inviting as chlamydia
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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