I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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