I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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