the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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