I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
