my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
