i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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