I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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