There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
too bad you live with your parents still
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
