Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
