census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
