I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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