I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
