Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
