he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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