If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Randomize
