You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
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