I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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