oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
