Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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