Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
