I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize
