Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
