Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
