i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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