what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
