no, he came in my armpit
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
