He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
