Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
