hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
