We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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