I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Drunk is not a location!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
