i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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