I want to have your abortion
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
