Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm like, not good at living.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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